Wednesday, May 26, 2010

where the wild things are

I have a confession to make. I worry. A lot.

I suppose I have good reason. Here are some of them:

1) I have Mom Ears, which as every mother knows, is what happens immediately following the birth of your first child wherein you are gifted with super-sonic hearing that surrounds the entire perimeter and helps you a)determine that the baby is still breathing, and b)will alert the mother-lion instinct to any potential threat wherein she can devour said threat.

2) I lived for many years expecting someone to break in my house and kill me. Because they promised they would, and I believed them.

So some of my worry is normal mom-stuff and some of it is probably post traumatic stress disorder, and after 20 years it's all jumbled into one. I am a little high-strung, and have trouble relaxing & trusting that well, everything is going to be OK.

The committee comes to order, and the parade of terrible imaginings begin. And I know that "thoughts are things" and they have a certain power to take on a life of their own and I shouldn't be feeding those monsters, because they only get bigger & hungrier. Their appetites are insatiable, and most of the time they just hang around the perimeter of my Life, trying not to be noticed until night falls or the hair-trigger in my brain is pulled and BAM! they are large & in charge, whispering all the potential tragedy that could happen if I'm not careful.

Fear sucks.

So now I'm onto them, and am beginning to realize that they are not who they say they are- they are not the Truth. And as my friend Stacey Robbins said to me recently, "if fear is exponential, then so is Love." Meaning of course, that Love & goodness grow in the same way fear & doubt do. Only the outcome is infinitely more beautiful and you can sleep better at night.

The light bulb went off for me, and shone into the darkest corners of my heart.

Perfect Love really does drive out all fear. Jesus is that perfect Love. And by Jesus, I don't mean the myth or the religion or the bad press some Christians have gotten over the years. I mean the real Jesus, who turns ashes into beauty, water into wine, who heals the sick and causes the blind to see. The One who can handle our fears, our pain, our past, and take us by the hand and show us a better way.

There is no Truth greater than this.